Men loved to be appreciated and like so many people they don’t really know how to accept appreciation! Or how to ask for it or even how to give it to themselves. So when it stops being quite so plentiful from their spouse and if the relationship contains a heavy dose of blame and criticism or even possibly contempt, men start looking for positive affirmations from others. With the new love interest everything is wonderful – he is wonderful then we all tend to fall into upping criticism and dropping appreciation.
#2. EMOTIONAL CONNECTION: As relationships mature, power struggles tend to become more prevalent. When a man experiences repeated power struggles with his spouse, his natural tendency is to “go to his cave”, which really means get quiet and distant and grumpy! Which makes emotional connection that much more difficult. Over time he misses the emotional connection he previously felt with his spouse.
When he meets someone new and they accept him for “who he is” it’s much easier for him to connect with his emotions and feel connection with this new and interesting person. Of course when the lust and honeymoon period are over and the power struggles start to arise in the new relationship he’ll likely revert to his well-learned pattern and his struggles will start all over again.
#3. FEELING WANTED:
Everyone wants to feel wanted regardless of age, gender or occupation. Men are no different. And men tend to be socialized to provide security and strength as an expectation, rather than something to be appreciated for. As life moves along a man can often feel like his contribution is taken for granted and who he is, as opposed to what he can provide, becomes less important. In a new relationship suddenly he matters again
#4. INTIMACY: Men want a partner who will listen, who will volunteer information about their own lives and discoveries and someone who smiles and excitedly shares their hopes and dreams. Of course, men don’t generally know how to communicate this.
#5. S3x: Speaking of fun activities, men generally do want s3x and the more the better. S3x is one way that men feel connected to their partner. Men also feel appreciated and wanted when they made love with their partner. So for men, s3x provides the first four items on our list plus physical pleasure that allows men to focus totally on the present moment. In a new relationship, the s3x tends to be a lot more frequent. At least initially!